Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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