yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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