I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
