fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
