you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
