The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
