Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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