Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize