The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
