But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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