I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
