Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
