Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think people are normalizing furries
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
