Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
