Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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