dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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