I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
