Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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