Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
