the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
