literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
