You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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