what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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