Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
