Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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