You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
