I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
