i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
