Your dad touched me again.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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