i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
