He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
