some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Boobs speak an international language.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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