I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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