I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
