Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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