was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Who died my cat blue again?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
