Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
