Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
