I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
