I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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