You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
