i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Randomize
