forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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