the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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