I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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