Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
