I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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