fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
of course. lets lasso hookers.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
