I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
im on a boat
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