...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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