Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
