im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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