The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
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