he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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