Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm passing your future prison.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
