69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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