Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Someone came in the potted fern
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
