my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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