Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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