I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
